Question 

My husband and I have raised four children. Our lives were full and busy at every moment, and I would not have wanted it to be any different.  

I am now turning 60 and ready to retire from working. The last child is moving out this month and I am beginning to feel this emptiness. I was used to a demanding job and a very full home life. I can not imagine what it will be like after my last day of work. 

I am wondering what people do with their time when that last child leaves the nest, and you stop working. Is there really enough to do? I am afraid that I will be so lonely and maybe bored. Any suggestions? 

Answer 

Congratulations on successfully launching four children and finishing a career. You are completing two of life’s milestones at roughly the same time.  

Since these are significant life events, it could be easier for you to adjust if you plan your retirement date to be months apart from that last child’s departure. It would give you time to plan your separation from children and work as individual events. Major life events have stressors due to change and loss. Even joyful events place us humans under considerable emotional stress.  Combining these types of events are best avoided when that is possible. Often it is not possible to separate the events, but if you have that choice, I recommend that you chose to do that. 

After work and after that last child leaves, we struggle to imagine how can live exist without the children around or having to get to work by a set time each day. Indeed, life will be different. What you already know from your other three children is that they physically leave, (well most of their things), but they are not really gone. Wherever they live you can text, video chat, or talk at any time. Even if they move to another continent, you can easily be in contact with them. Gone are the days when if a child moves to the next county it was an expensive long distance call, not to mention a cost prohibitive call if the moved to another country. The technology we have today allows us to be in close contact any time we want to be. Your children are yours for a lifetime. They may move out, but they are not gone. If your relationship was strong, it will remain so.   

Now the laundry void is real, if you did his/her laundry. The lack of shoes and piles of things everywhere is really quite nice. It really is quite easy to adapt to just picking up after the just the two of you. Do note the children are likely to be stopping by. They did not disappear. Consider an open invite to Sunday dinner for those that live nearby. 

Work is another matter, because we spend so much physical time doing it, that the void is quite profound. Suddenly all your time becomes yours. There is no schedule that is determined by paid employment. The lack of structure is what you will need to adapt to. 

I recommend that you make a list of things you would like to accomplish the first year of retirement. Then each day, make a short list of what you would like to do that day toward your goals. It is approaching retirement a bit like a job. The reason I recommend doing that is to provide your mind a bit of the structure it is used to, but with less pressure. Oddly, you will find that if you set goals and work at a comfortable pace toward them, retirement can be filled with wonderful opportunities and your days will be full. 

Do ditch the alarm clock though. Ease into the day with that second cup of coffee before getting started on your list. Stay up for the evening news or a favorite show. I would take advantage of not working on someone else’s time clock, only your own. 

The community and world are filled with wonderful possibilities for exercise, volunteering, part-time work, and exploring. Add to your list some things to trial this first year of retirement. There are many opportunities out there, so make sure to check them out. 

You are approaching an exciting time with two of life’s greatest milestones. I wish you a wonderful next chapter.