Question 

I am the caregiver for my 90-year-old father. I run his errands, take him shopping, help clean his house, and generally manage his affairs. I have been doing this for about a year since my mother passed. 

Dad is a fairly easy guy to get along with. He is not demanding and is very appreciative of everything that I do for him. He also sort of goes along with whatever I suggest for entertainment and short trips. 

The one area that he is resistant to is seeking dental and medical appointments. He has not made any appointments in terms of last year and when I ask about it, he says that he will get around to it, though he has not. I do not believe that he sought regular medical care his entire life unless my mother set it up, but I do think that he went from time to time. 

He does not seem to have much wrong with him, though he has what I call the aches and pains of aging like most people his age. He has one medication, though I do not know what it is for or if he takes it. 

I am wondering how hard I push on this subject before giving up? Is it really that important at his age? 

Answer 

Bodies are like machines, but with more nuances. Like a machine, they age and parts wear down. They need maintenance to operate efficiently for as long as possible. Food, exercise, and sleep are key components to maintaining life and can be obtained without a medical professional. There is a caveat to care of the body though that should not be ignored and that is disease and complexity. 

We can all tell when we feel horrible and are too sick to get out of bed. There are lesser symptoms though that are warning signs of serious life-threatening disease that are easy to ignore if you do not have the knowledge and tools of the medical field at your fingertips. 

Everyone needs routine medical care to live the longest and healthiest life possible. So much can be identified with standard blood tests. Doctors are trained to notice things you might have grown to accept that are not normal. 

On a regular basis, your father should see his primary doctor. He needs to take along a list of any unusual issues he is encountering about his health. Once a year is likely enough, unless a health issue or prescription refill requires that he be seen more often. 

Since you have assumed the role of caregiver, simply ask him about the prescription that he is taking, or not taking. Medications have a purpose that is either preventing disease, managing symptoms, treating a disease, or curative. It is important to know what he has likely stopped taking. 

Do let your father know that you will set up his next appointment for him and that you will gladly take him. He may have let it go because your mother always did it for him, or he does not want to bother you with another errand. 

About the dentist. To keep your teeth, you must take care of them. Good oral hygiene is important, though regular cleaning by a professional is essential. Teeth issues can have a direct link to the heart, so they should not be ignored. Schedule appointments every six months for a cleaning and checkup for your father. 

Lastly, do be aware that when someone loses a spouse it is not uncommon to lose zest for life for some time. It is also overwhelming to begin doing all the things that your spouse did as part of keeping the unit running efficiently. You will do your father a great service by helping him manage his health care until he can manage this on his own.