Question 

My 80-year-old mother spends most of the day on her phone, like everybody else. She loves funny short videos. I believe that she spends hours each day watching them. It entertains her, so I guess there is nothing wrong with it. 

My rub comes with her recent habit of buying weird remedies and stuff from people running ads between these videos. Some of these people even claim to be doctors, selling what amounts to snake oil. 

When I stop over there is always a package at the door of some weird product she bought online. She seems excited to receive it, though I never see her using it or talking about it later. 

My mother lives on a limited income. She has just enough to eat and pay her bills. She gets by all right, but wasting money on ridiculous scams that she sees advertised she should not be doing at this point in her life. 

I am trying to find out a way to get her to stop spending, but so far, I have not figured out how to do that. I am even afraid to bring it up to her. I don’t want to be told, “It is my money, and I’ll do what I want with it”. She would be right. It is just so hard to watch the junk she buys. Any ideas? 

Answer 

Snake oil salesmen have always been around for those who are hopeful and gullible. The promise of health, long life, and riches is a strong pull for those that want a solution that seems easy and absolute; it rarely is either. 

When you are searching for answers and someone promises you a quick fix for a small investment, it can be quite tempting. A strategy they use is to repeat over and over the selling points, while they are reeling you into their hype. For this very low price, you can do amazing things. It is rarely true as you know. The pitch is very persuasive and long, and it is easy to be lured the longer you engage. It is like a door-to-door salesman from the past is at your door every 15 minutes. The internet is no longer the wonderful social platform it used to be. It instead has become a gigantic capitalistic machine. 

In your mother’s case, what one needs to look at is the “why” of it. Is mom lonely, bored, or buying for the instant satisfaction that one gets from shopping? That is called the dopamine factor. We all know how it feels and quickly fades. Getting to the bottom of it could be challenging for you. 
Since this buying phenomenon is recent though, it will likely be easier to identify and resolve than if it was something that she has been doing for years. Long term habits are much, much harder to break. 

In your situation, you might mention to mom that it is possible on many sites to turn off the ads by paying for a subscription. While I hate subscribing to anything, in her case paying for the ads to go away might be a deal. Ask her if she would like you to set that up for her. 

I would ask your mother the next time she shows you a purchase, if she is concerned about the cost of her internet purchases? Hopefully that will open a dialog. Maybe you can ask her what she is spending on a weekly or monthly basis if the opportunity arises. 

An approach you could take on another day is to suggest to your mother that you will be happy to assist her in planning long-term care should she ever need it. Let her know that you are doing some planning for your family and have found it to be very helpful. Show her your tools and offer to help her. Part of that plan should be a listing of monthly expenses to see where her money is going. 

It is important to know how serious the situation is. Does she have credit card debt, does she buy items that have no use, or she never opens, or is her living space beginning to fill up and becoming a hazard to her safety? Any or all of these problems are real and could benefit from intervention. 

While you cannot force an adult of sound mind to spend money wisely, you can try to approach your mother and see where it takes you. I hope that the issue is minor and that your mother will be receptive to your assistance.