Question 

My parents are the exact same 85 years old and are aging so differently. My mother is what I would describe as vibrant and my father seems very, very old. 

I will start with my mother. She works part-time, grows all her own food, volunteers in the community, and could pass for 65 or 70 easily. Frankly, she looks great. My father, on the other hand, barely gets around. Most days he sits on the couch and watches television from sunup to well after sundown. Watching him move about reminds me of a very old man. He gets up slowly, he walks slowly, and I am afraid that a cane or walker is coming soon.  

Neither of my parents complain about any type of illness, though I admit that I have not really probed into their medical concerns. I do wonder why dad seems to be aging so much faster than my mother and if I should I be concerned about him.  

Answer 

The truth is the human body begins to age once it stops growing, in our 20s there about. By the time we are in our 80s our body has seen a lot of use and our organs function at decreasing capacity. 

Everyone in their 80s has some maladies to contend with, even your mother. By that point your joints are not as mobile, your hearing and vision may not be as good as they once were, your heart is not functioning like that of a young person, and the list goes on. At the cellular level, you're not producing as efficiently as you once did. Everyone in their 80’s has “aches and pains” as they like to refer to it and cannot move like they once did.  

So, the reality is that the body does decline though it can be different for every person, as you have noticed. Hypothetically, let us say that your father has back pain due to a disk that is compressed. He may have chronic pain that makes movement difficult for him. Maybe he injured it playing football as a teen or fell getting out of his boat in his 40s and has been bothered ever since. Over time it could simply get worse. Inactivity caused by pain affects every aspect of life, your day-to-day and your overall health. Less movement means muscle weakening, cardiovascular decline, less blood flow to the brain, and more. 

You mentioned how your father moves. How a person moves materially factors into our perception of someone’s age, just as it has in your case. We associate fluid movement and complete range of motion with youth. I would venture a guess that how your father gets about is how you are assessing his aging, and I would say that is true for how most of us view the elderly. 

Your father is likely being affected by something that impacts movement. There are other maladies worth mentioning such as Parkinson’s Disease, hip and knees issues, neuropathy due to diabetes to mention a few. It is not possible to know what is impacting him without some medical assessment. 

Without knowing the dynamics of your family and the personalities of your parents, it is difficult to recommend the best approach. Since you have not discussed any medical issues with your parents in the past, I would assume that your family does not usually discuss health or health concerns, keeping them private. There is nothing wrong with your tradition. Too much information or chronic complaining can be tiresome for family members at times. There are times though that discussion can be helpful and offer solutions. 

Since you are worried it might be time to break with the past way of communicating or lack of. It is clearly on your mind and of concern to you. Start with a simple statement about your observations to your father. Your mother is also a resource and likely well aware of what is affecting your father.  

Aging is a fact of life, but many health issues can be treated and improve the quality and duration of life in the process. Do help your father seek medical advice if he has not already done so. Sometimes adult children can be quite helpful serving as an advocate for their parents. I recommend that now is the time offer to be that person for your parents.