Question

I am so very worried about my mother’s health, primarily her weight. At 80, she is becoming less and less active, and her weight is increasing by the day. Her blood pressure and diabetes are going to get worse. 

I am concerned that caring for her as she ages is going to be difficult if she keeps gaining weight and I do not know what to do. I guess it is not really my problem, though it is because I will be her primary caregiver in the end. 

I think that mom is aware of her weight issue, but she seems to have given up on caring about it. I want to say something, though I am afraid of a rebuke. She is not always that kind. 

Any suggestions? 

Answer 

Obesity, hypertension, diabetes, and heart disease are chronic problems of our society and inactivity is a major contributor in the elderly. Frankly it is a problem for all age groups. 

I suspect that your mother is aware of her increasing weight. It is just not one of those things one does not notice. When your clothing is tighter and the scale is showing a greater number of pounds, it is hard to miss. 

Saying something about someone else’s weight is a bit of a landmine. Most of us are fairly sensitive about anyone saying anything to us about our size. Unless your mother lives with you, all meals are prepared by you, and you completely manage what she eats, this is not a situation that you really have any control over. 

Your mother needs your support right now. Pointing out her failure at caring for her health is not going to go well. Listening more than talking is a good starting point. It is likely that you do not know her entire story. Create the time to hear her. Don’t press but do ask her how she is feeling. Most older people will tell you. 

Your mother’s current frame of mind is very important. Any successful battle against disease is best fought with a strong constitution. Actually, I would say that it is a requirement. It takes determination to seek out information and make changes. Having a strong advocate by your side can make a difference. 

Once you gain her trust, you might want to ask your mother if there is anything you can do to help her manage her diabetes and high blood pressure. When you do ask her, do it with sincerity. She may open up to you about her struggle with chronic disease. Everyone managing a disease has frustrations. Her medication may have side effects, her blood pressure may be disappointing her, or she may be worried about her A1C. 

Being a partner in your mother’s health is more supportive than any lecture, it also can be extremely helpful. It will be a journey, and it will be a long one. There is no quick fix here. It is possible though to strengthen your relationship and become her advocate.