Question 

After my grandfather died, my grandmother talks quite a bit about the feeling of nothingness. She says that it is as though she lost everything in life, and nothing is left. She calls it nothingness.   

Grandmother says she is not depressed, no sadness, no trouble sleeping, eating fine, and no other symptoms of depression. Just nothing.  

The last year of grandfather’s life was filled with doctor appointments, special diets, hospital beds, nurses coming, and on and on. It was a very hectic time for her. Now two months later, she seems a bit at a loss as to how to use her time.  

Grandmother is only 75 years old. She is in great health. I think that she threw all her efforts into caring for granddad that she has quite the void to fill.  

All her children are busy working full-time as are her grandchildren. Do you have any suggestions as to how will help her resolve the nothingness? 

Answer 

Your grandmother has gone from a very busy life to one that is quiet and solitary. That feeling of nothingness is quite understandable. She is in the process of reorganizing how she spends her days while she grieves the loss of her spouse. Each day can feel very long at this time. Nothingness is a very good description of how it feels. 

This is an important time for her to maintain connections with family and friends. One can easily slip into depression without strong personal relationships. Since you are the individual who has identified how your grandmother feels, it would be a nice gesture if you would identify to the family members how important regular contact with your grandmother is. If possible, everyone should have weekly contact with your grandmother, ideally in person. For those out of town, phone or video calls would be good. Underscore for the family how important continuity of contact will be for your grandmother.  

At this point in her life, seeking outside of the home activity would be very helpful for her. Part-time work, church groups, volunteer work, classes, or other regularly scheduled activity is likely needed to help replace the work that she was doing to care for her husband. While it will not replace her loss, it will provide some structure that is missing. When she is ready, have a list of suggestions for her to consider. If she is reluctant, offer to accompany her to the event, class, or interview. A little moral support can go a long way at this time.  

Now would be a good time for her to revisit old hobbies or try something that she always wanted to do but did not feel that she had the time. This first year will be a time for experimentation. She need not stay with everything that she tries. She will eventually settle on her favorites. 

She is going to have a period of adjustment, which is very common after the very busy time that she just went through. It is not possible to experience the loss she did without a big change in how a day feels. Staying close to loved ones will provide her with a great deal of support, grief support groups can be a wonderful source for shared experiences, and trying new activities will assist her to fill the nothingness.   

You are thoughtful to be attentive to her emotional state. Supporting her at this time will help her to adjust.