Question 

I suspect that my father is not following his doctor’s recommendations. Dad has several medical conditions, and I do not think that he gets his prescriptions filled. When I bring it up to him, he changes the subject.   

I am thinking that I should go with him to his doctor’s visits so that he is not going to be able to ignore what he is told.  

Dad is only in his 70s, but I fear that he will never make 80 at this rate. My only solution is to go with dad to his appointments. Do you have suggestions as to how I might convince him to let me come along? 

Answer 

Your father is not the only person who does not follow the regimen prescribed by his doctor. It is actually a rather common issue. Adults have free will and they tend to do what they want when they walk out of their doctor’s office, which places your father in good company. I am not certain what percent of people do not follow their doctor’s instructions exactly, though I would say it is very high. 

The reasons for noncompliance are numerous. Some individuals do not want to bear the cost of the medications or cannot afford to. Some recommendations require a lifestyle change that they find too difficult to make. Some individuals do not trust that their doctor has their best interest in mind and will somehow make extra money if they buy the medication, go to therapy, or have surgery. Others simply do not believe what their doctor is saying. There are others that have given in to the disease and do not believe that it is worth fighting to extend their life. There are even more possible scenarios than those that I have mentioned, these are just a few of the common ones. 

What would be helpful to you is to find out from your father where his thoughts are at. What his logic is for ignoring seemingly good advice and treatment. Someone who is close to your father should carefully and kindly ask him. If he says it is none of your business, you may need to back off. Hopefully, you will get at least a one-word answer that will give you a clue to his thoughts.  Maybe he has tried the medication, and it did not work as planned. Maybe the cost was not worth the outcome. It could be his doctor is not a good fit. It is possible he cannot hear or understand what his doctor says and is not comfortable seeking clarification. He may have a prejudice against his doctor for being too old, young, female, foreign, or soft spoken. He may not trust doctors due to a past experience or ideas he formed from watching television shows. If you can find the barrier, you can begin to break down the wall. 

He might be more likely to share his thoughts if you share an experience of yours or something you read. You may not get much but it could give you a glimpse of his beliefs in the way he responds to you. It will not be easy to figure out what is going on, but it is worth the effort to try.  

About going with your father to his appointments. You do not technically have any right to accompany him, and I suspect that he will be resistant to your attendance. If he does allow you to accompany him, I recommend that you be silent on this first visit. Lecturing him like a petulant child or tattling on him is not likely to have success. Rather, collect information and process it for a bit before bringing it up. Let your father take the lead. It is his health, his life. You can serve as a sounding board for him if he desires. It is important to build trust and later serve as an advocate if he desires your help. 

If you observe that your father lies to his doctor (a common occurrence), ignore minor under or overstatements. Doctors have seen it all and they usually can figure out if someone is bending the truth. Do not intervene unless the omission or lie risks your father’s health. Do know though that doctors do not ask random questions about health or lifestyle habits without a reason, so you may need to seek clarification if an outright denial occurs. Do remember to be respectful, as your father is not a toddler that you simply speak for. 

Your father has had an adult life filled with decision making. He got this far, so most of them must have been good. Like most of us, his expertise is likely limited to the field he dedicated his life’s work to. Unless medicine was his occupation, he is dependent on others for care and treatment of his human body. I am hoping that you will have some success in discovering your father’s barrier to the best health possible for him. It is a journey you will share. I recommend that you give it your best effort.