Question 

I am a single retired lady with two adult children. I have been divorced for over 30 years at this point. I live independently in my home and manage my own affairs as I have done for some time.  

Now that I am in my 70s and have more time on my hands, I think about what the future will bring. My children live locally and promise to care for me, but I am not sure that is such a good idea. They are both raising families, working, managing a home, and are quite busy. 

How do most people approach aging and planning for their future care needs? Do I just wait until the time comes or do I do some planning now? I want to get this right.  

Answer  

You seem very wise and thoughtful. Preparing for your future needs is the most likely way to have smooth transitions as you age. 

Quite frequently individuals simply live their lives, possibly ignoring the likelihood that they might need assistance someday. It is simple denial and an easy route to go. Then someday, a critical incident occurs, and the family gathers at the hospital during the crisis to help decide what to do next. There is often considerable pressure to make a decision for ongoing care at that point and a small window of time to do that. This situation plays out multiple times a day at every hospital in the nation. While you cannot prevent an incident from occurring, a little planning can make situations like I have described less stressful for all.  

What you can do now is craft a possible plan or at least develop options for yourself and your children. I have provided for you a list of things you can do to prepare for whatever that next phase looks like:  

• The first thing to do is talk to your two children and let them know what is on your mind. Tell them that you are planning your future and that you will keep them updated as you do some exploration. 

• If you have not already done so, prepare an advance directive that identifies who will assist with financial matters and who will make health care decisions in the event you are unable to.  

• Next look at some of the housing options available in your community from apartments to condos, as well as staying in your home with someone hired to care for you and your house.  

• Next visit some local retirement communities. Find out what it costs, what amenities are available, and tour the facilities to get a feel for the environment.  

• Explore care in your home from an agency, hiring on your own, or living in your home with family support. Obtain estimates for yard maintenance, snow removal, and other chores that you may need assistance with. 

• Compare all the options to your finances to eliminate those that are not practical and help you determine what is affordable, comfortable, and acceptable to you. 

• Lastly decide on timelines. At what point would you consider a change. To move from your home, certain things need to be prepared in your home for a sale. If you plan to stay, steps should be taken to assure that your home is set up for someone possibly less mobile.  

• Note - Plan for every step in this process to take longer than you think it should.  

Once you have completed your exploration, it is time to meet with your children again and share what you have found. Future planning like this is a gift to your children and yourself. I am confident they will appreciate you thinking ahead and sharing your thoughts with them as you move along in this journey called life.