Question 

Every time I meet with friends, we spend the bulk of our time together talking about our declining bodies. By that, I mean our health issues. We are all about 80 years old now and each of us has a health story to tell. No one is dying in the near future, that we know of, and everyone is reasonably healthy. 

What I am wondering is if I should steer the conversation to other topics, or should I just let the “aches and pain” discussion monopolize the bulk of our time together? I think that I could keep changing the subject enough to move the conversation to other topics. 

Am I being too presumptuous or annoyed? Is this the norm now for our age group, or have we fallen into a weird complaining pattern that we are stuck in? 

I want our monthly meetings to be fun and filled with laughter. Should I steer the conversation or let our little group go the way it has been? 

Answer 

Congratulations on each of you making it to 80 with only minor health issues. You must be living healthy lives. 

As with almost everyone who makes it 80 years, you have a health history. There will be some surgeries, some with hearing loss, bad backs, and more than one or two chronic illnesses. Everyone in your group is going to have a health story to tell and it sounds like they want to tell them. 

Before you redirect your group too aggressively, consider why they feel the need to tell their stories. Individuals that have had surgery or illness of any kind have been through a bit of trauma. They have experienced pain, fear, many unknowns, and an altered body may have been the outcome. 

What is happening is that they are telling others what they have gone through, because it was a traumatic experience. Sharing their story provides them with some validation. It’s like talking about a fire, car accident, or any other upsetting experience. We have a need to tell our story to others that we trust. 

Sometimes we seek validation, support, and at times information. There may be those in the group with similar illnesses. Talking about our health is not necessarily a bad thing. 
It is natural and okay to do so, particularly with others of the same age group. Frankly, it is others of the same age that are most willing to hear our stories. We hear about their experiences, and it helps to guide us when we have our own. Our children and grandchildren are not as interested, nor do they have shared experiences. 

Can it get a bit much at times, yes. Then simply announce that you have discussed health issues enough and it is time to move on to children, grandchildren, volunteering, or possibly travel. Gatherings should have a bit of balance to the conversation, without eliminating talk about health. Allow for the “sick talk” and then move on to what else is going on in your lives. I am certain that you have a great deal to share with each other that is not health related. How wonderful that you have each other for support and shared joys. It is one of the best parts of growing old together.