Question 

I was wondering how long I should wait to get involved in paying bills for my father? He is in his 90s now and I have noticed that the bills seem to sit. Frankly I am not sure if he is paying them in a timely manner. I do not want to be pushy, but I am getting concerned. 

When my mother was living, she handled the money. Mom paid the bills, managed the investments, and decided all things money. Before she died, she set up an outfit to manage the investments and they send dad a monthly money transfer. So, I know that he is not messing up investments, at least. 

Based on what I see, he is not opening the mail regularly. When I mention that the mail is piling up, dad brushes me off. I did see some bills with Second Notice stamped on them. 

I am wondering if I need to get more assertive about his daily management of money. I would hate for his electricity to be cut off because he does not pay the bill. 

Answer 

Most of us will get to the place near the end of our lives when paying bills is just too much for us. Usually, the children find out the same way you noticed, unopened bills or notices lying about. 

Rather than quizzing your father, it is time to help him. Since he is not paying bills, he needs you to step in. Simply tell your father that you will stop by on a regular schedule and help him process the payments. Don’t start quizzing him, do not roll your eyes, no chastising, or lectures. He is not one of your kids, just your father in his older years. 

Once you get things straightened out and have been processing the mail for several weeks, you could bring up an alternate way to manage his bills. If your father will allow it, you could help him set up auto payments. Since he has regular deposits into his account from his financial manager and likely Social Security, auto payments might be most helpful for him. 

Once you have been assisting him for months you may want to bring up the concept of placing you on his checking account as a signer. You will then be able to pay the bills with your signature. Some individuals lose the ability to write their name legibly as time goes on. He will also become even less interested in managing, leaving it all up to you. 

If you have siblings, I recommend that you loop them into what you will be doing so that there are no suspicions about your father’s finances. If they would like an accounting of what is being spent and for what, create and provide them with a spreadsheet, leaving a copy for your father also. 

This is a transitional time for your father and for you. It is likely not something that you thought you would be doing. My recommendation is that you simply consider this a normal part of aging. Assisting your father with his bills is just one of the things that one of our children will do for us one day.