Question

My father is 80 years old and a widower. He spends his days puttering around his home, cutting grass, painting, and sitting in a rocking chair on the porch. 

Dad has plenty of money to travel, eat out, or pretty much do whatever he wants to do, but he chooses to wear old clothing, shave occasionally, and drive old cars. He looks a little bit like a bum, if you ask me. 

Now, this is not really a change from how he behaved and lived when mom was around. Since he retired, he really retired. No suits, no ties, and a super laid-back lifestyle. His big outing each week is breakfast with his guy friends at a local diner. 

I really don't get it. He can travel anywhere, drive a nice car, and pay to have all of his house and yard work done. I know that I would if I could. 

Should I suggest that he update and spend some of his hard-earned cash or just let it be?

Answer

It sounds like your father is living his life the way he wants to, and that is not a problem for anyone to solve. 

Living a quiet life well below your means is not a bad thing. In fact, most of us would be happier if we lived a simpler life with lower expectations. Chasing the latest car and newest toy has some stress associated with it. Your father has figured out how to appreciate the basic pleasures in life, like a freshly mowed lawn, waving to the neighbors as they walk by, or a completed house project. 

The fact that he goes out weekly to breakfast with his friends likely has far more value to him than a meal in a fancy restaurant. It is not about the food or the price; it is the people, the conversation. 

Yes, your father may have some wealth. The reason he lives comfortably is because he has mastered the secret of building an asset base and living well below his means. He is living a comfortable, secure life, the life he desires. 

He does not need to announce to the world that he is well off. While he likely could buy a fancy car or fly off to foreign lands, he simply does not want to. It sounds like he is just not that interested in spending his time or money that way. 

I suspect that he enjoys visiting with family, neighbors, and friends more than any other type of activity at this point in his life. Spending time with him, at his pace, may help you appreciate the lifestyle he has chosen. I urge you to give him and yourself those precious moments to learn all that you can about how he has lived his life up to this point. You will learn more about his beliefs, opinions, philosophy, and plans by simply being present and listening. There is so much that most of us who have lost our parents wish we had learned about our parents and their lives. You have this time to do just that, if you can give yourself over to his pace for a bit. A lot can be learned.