Question

I had a conversation with my mother last weekend, and she said she is going to begin planning her funeral. Mom is only in her 60s, and funeral planning should be far from her thoughts! Not only that, she also mentioned she was thinking about being buried in a field of daisies or in something that would naturally decompose her body. The thought of my mother lying in a field is too much to bear. Since I would not discuss it on the phone, she now wants to make it a topic of discussion during Easter.

I am too young for this crazy conversation. How do I get Mom to stop the funeral planning?

Answer

You are so very lucky that your mother is figuring it out for you. Take my word for it that planning someone's funeral when they have not left clear instructions is a difficult and unpleasant experience.

Go ahead and imagine yourself standing in your mother's closet trying to figure out what outfit she would have wanted to be buried in.  Now plan a ceremony, pick music, try to decide on the type of burial she wants. The list goes on and on, much like planning a wedding without the fun and excitement. Remember that all of this would otherwise happen within a day or two of her passing, while you are still grieving.

As weird as it will feel to discuss your mother's funeral plans while she is still so young and vibrant, I say jump into the discussion with Mother when visiting for Easter. While you are at it, thank her for the advance planning. She is making all of the hard decisions for you, and you should be grateful.  

Now let’s talk about her burial desires. Before you discount her environmental approach, hear her out. It sounds like she has done a bit of research on this subject, and you should do the same before you make the trip home. She is interested in a burial that celebrates the natural decomposition of the human body. Neither funerals nor burial strategies remain consistent over time. For your mother's sake, you may need to be open to a new idea. If her approach is legal, I say why not? Sometimes a nontraditional approach can be a most memorable and touching experience.

So go home, and have a great Easter. While you are at it, give Mom a big hug and thank her for doing the heavy lifting on the funeral topic.

I wish you the best.