Question 

I am sure that this has come up before, but the debate in our family goes on and it is all about the frequency of taking a bath. 

My 88-year-old mother wants me to stop over every day to help her into the bathtub, where she sits for about 45 minutes. Truth be told, she cannot safely get into the bathtub by herself and does require another person to help her. Mom has her hair washed and set weekly at a hair salon. 

To do what she wants I have to come by after working all day, help her take this bath, and drive 30 minutes home, and then start dinner for my family. I have been doing this routine for a month now and it is wearing me out. Bathing is not the only thing that I do for her. I am basically her only caregiver. 

What I am wondering is what is the norm? What is necessary? How often do old people need to take a bath? 

Answer 

There is no hard and fast rule about how frequently an elderly person sits in a tub of water. Some bathe daily, others might wash up daily, but tub bathe once a week. What is needed is to keep clean and smell nice. 

When we are working adults, it is the norm to bathe daily in our society. We are under stress, we are in motion, and we produce more body oils. Active retirees are likely bathing daily also. Homebound, inactive older adults can get by with face, underarms, and groin sink bathing in between the tub days. They should change underwear, shirts, and socks daily to be fresh. 

Bathing by taking a sink bath is not going to feel as good as sitting in a warm tub for 45 minutes each day, though it will work. A tub bath once or twice a week should suffice, to soak, remove dead skin, and refreshen. 

It is likely that your mother has been a daily bather her entire adult life and she may not be interested in adaptation. If that is the case, your mother is going to need to make some decisions. 

As a caregiver, you have taken on more than you can handle at this point in time. Therefore, it is time to have a discussion with your mother and offer some options. The first thing you will need to do is tell your mother what you are able to do going forward. If it is to help her with a tub bath once or twice a week, that is what you will need to tell her you can do. She can either bathe from the sink the other days of the week, have another sibling help her, if there are siblings, or you can assist her to hire someone to help her on the days you are not there. 

The decision on how this daily bath occurs is your mother’s. She can consider an assisted living situation, but she must first check to see if any of them will even provide a daily bath like she is used to. I do not believe that to be the normal frequency. 

It could be a bit of an adjustment for your mother to sink bathe if she has never done it. You may need to get her set up for such a situation. It could require a sturdy seat or chair for the bathroom to make it feasible for her. Do help her with the set-up and a trial run if necessary. 

You are in a place where your mother’s care needs are going to continue to increase. It would be helpful if you discuss her wishes for care as she ages. Assure your mother that you will provide what care you are able to. Do be careful to help set up a network of sorts for your mother and yourself as primary caregiver. Often caregivers take on more than they can do and find themselves in a situation that they cannot handle. Professionals frequently warn of caregiver burnout and consistently advise to watch for it and take steps to prevent it. For now, your mother will be fine if she tub bathes on a schedule that is less than daily. Go ahead and make the adjustment.