Question

My 85 year old mother loves a tub bath. She has been taking them her entire life and insists that I help her get into and out of the tub so that she can soak for a while.

Mom wants to tub bathe daily before she goes to bed as part of her bedtime routine. Since I live with her, she feels that I should be the one to help her get into the tub each evening.  

It is quite the ordeal to get mom into the tub. I am not very big, about 110 pounds on a good day. Mom is a bit heavier. I simply cannot lift her into the tub and getting her out is an even bigger ordeal.

Right now she gets in by holding onto me and dropping to her knees. To get her out we let out the water, dry her, and she kind of climbs out on her hands and knees with my help. It’s not pretty and I am afraid that one of us will get hurt. Once we even had to call a neighbor to help.

We need a better solution.

Answer

Bathrooms are an easy place to get injured. There are a lot of hard, slippery surfaces. Add water and it is one of the least safe places in the home.

To safely bathe an elderly person who has limited mobility requires some key elements. Each step of the process needs to be safe for you and your mother. 

Individuals who cannot get to standing in the tub after bathing should not be sitting in a tub. Crawling out of a tub or expecting you to lift them out of the tub is not a safe situation for either of you.

There are options for your mother. Start with a grab bar or two. If your mother is strong enough to use a grab bar to steady herself as she gets to standing, it can make all the difference. Therefore,  step one is installing grab bars. For everyone who showers or bathes, a grab bar to reach for much like a handrail can be a lifesaver. One has to wonder why it is not a building code to have grab bars in every shower or tub. 

If you do not have a rubber bath mat, this is something that will give her traction and also an essential safety tool.

If your mother cannot get to standing in the tub with a grab bar, tub mat, and maybe a little under arm support from you, tub bathing in her current setup is not advised. A reasonable substitute would be to set a tub bench in the bathtub, have her step into the tub holding one elbow and her grabbing the grab bar with the other hand. She should bathe with a handheld shower. You could fill the tub partially to soak her feet if she desires. Do empty the tub before any attempt to exit the tub though.

A more expensive option is a tub with a door that allows her to walk into the tub before filling. That cannot be done quickly, though a possibility if she is willing to spend the money and wait while a contractor is hired. If tub bathing is that important and she has the resources, it may be a viable option.

If she has a walk-in shower, it is time to switch to a shower with a shower bench if there is no built-in bench. It is easy to switch out the shower head to a handheld version if it is not set up that way already.

The last option could be considered if the desire and determination is there. Strengthening her legs and core muscles could give her the additional strength she needs. She could speak with her doctor and have a physical therapist work with her on transfers in and out of the tub. Since the issue is usually a lack of strength combined with technique, she may benefit from this sort of assistance if she will follow through with the recommendations.

Changing how your mother bathes is going to be a difficult shift for her, but is now an essential aspect of her care. Let your mother know the options and have her decide which ones she wants to pursue. You are going to need to let her know that the current situation is not working, as it is neither safe for you or her. A fracture could end her independence so safety is very important. She may be angry for a bit of time. Just let that settle and give her the opportunity to make some changes.