Question 

Every time a holiday approaches there is some consternation in my family about who is hosting and who goes where. 

Since mom and dad are now almost 90 years old, it is very difficult for them to host anything. In fact, they cannot manage any meal for others, they can barely cook and clean up for themselves. Yet, they still want things to be the same as they were. Nothing is the same as it was. 

This leaves the three children, now adults with families, scrambling to come up with an alternate plan. How do families manage this successfully? 

Answer 

Holidays are a tough one because we tend to love our traditions and want nothing to change from the way they were when we were children. If Labor Day was a weekend at the cabin, we desire those fond memories to be repeated and shared with our children. The same is true for Halloween, Thanksgiving, and so on. 

Now comes the reality of our parents aging out of being physically able to create the holiday experiences and celebrations that we remember.  It is very hard to let go of those special and sacred events our family shared. Yet, we must adapt.

What provides comfort and continuity is a blending of past traditions with adaptation to the present. If Labor Day was always a weekend at the cabin, maybe hosting a picnic at a beach with your parents as guests could be a substitute. The food could include some of the dishes your parents prepared for you. For Halloween, revisit how it was celebrated in the past, and again adapt it to the present. 

What is most difficult is the changing ability of our parents to do what they once did to make holidays special for us. When that begins to change, we are forced to reset our routines. We have strong memories tied to those holiday traditions and most of us want them to continue uninterrupted, even though we know they cannot. 

If you have siblings, it would be best to meet as a group or with a video call so that each of you can reminisce about the past and plan the future together. Include your parents if they are able to participate. Planning can be half the fun for your family. Get everyone involved and together you can create some new memories. 

Combining some of the past with your current reality will provide continuity for you, relief for your parents, and entertainment for all. Do your best to accommodate the requests of others and adapt to your new situation. It can be fun for all with an open mind.