Question 

My parents are trying to decide if they should stay in their home or move to a retirement complex. They are asking for my advice, and I am at a loss to advise them on the best choice. 

My parents are in their 70s and in great health. They travel, take great care of their properties, and live very full lives. I am not sure why we are having this conversation right now. It seems too early. 

To be reasonable and supportive, I would like to know what are the factors they should consider as it relates to switching to a retirement complex? And how do I wrap my head around this topic? 

Answer 

This is a big decision for your parents, and they are wise to be looking at their options while they are healthy and have the time to make a well thought out decision. It may be one of the most difficult decisions of their lives and it is wonderful that they are seeking your input. 

They should begin the process by recording their monthly expenses if they do not already do that. How much money comes in from every source and what that money is spent on, by category. Food, entertainment, rent or mortgage, taxes, insurance, home maintenance, utilities, clothing, yard care, HOA fees, or anything else they spend money on. It is best if they have a year's worth of data rather than guessing the amounts. This will be important when they start comparing costs. 

Next, advise your parents to contact a handful of complexes that are in an area they would be interested in living in. They should find out costs, whether they have assisted living or nursing home care attached, how long is the wait list, and any other amenities they offer. Once they have made those calls, they need to take some tours of the organizations that were of interest to them. It would be wonderful if they knew people that live there that they could interview. A resident can give them the good and the bad about the facility. 

When they have accomplished the collection of information, you can help them evaluate the options available. Several senior living community web sites offer an online calculator that compares your current living expenses with the cost of the rent or facility fees. The calculators are simple and easy to use, though I cannot verify their accuracy. 

Factors for your parents to consider is their physical ability to manage the home they live in now, their interest in continuing to care for their home, how much space they need to be comfortable, how accessible their current home is, what amenities are important to them as the age, costs, and most important what their plan is for care if it is needed for either of them. 

As I mentioned, this is a big decision for your parents, and it deserves research, evaluation, and discussion to determine the best solution for them. It is not the same for every couple. 

Now about your feelings on the subject. It is difficult to accept your parents getting older and possibly letting go of the family home with all the memories made there. It is normal for you to feel a loss and a desire to hold on. The good thing is that they are including you in the conversation. It will be a loss for all of you if they move. As with any loss, it is a day-by-day thing that you process and gradually accept.   

This will be a time when you can be a support for your parents, an extra set of ears and someone to help them process and analyze the options. It is just another step in the journey of life.