Question 

I have four siblings that live in other parts of the country and the world.  At 80, I rarely see them anymore, and I talk to them maybe once a year at a holiday gathering. 

My daughter thinks that I should be in closer contact with my brothers and sisters, but I just do not see the point.  She will not stop bringing it up, even when I tell her that I am happy with the way things are. I just do not see the point of reaching out to them more frequently. 

Am I missing something here by not connecting with my siblings more?  What possibly could I gain from doing that? 

Answer 

You are under no obligation to connect with your siblings now or in the future.  There is no customary rule about the frequency of contact one has with those they grew up with.

 It is clearly bothering your daughter that you are not talking with them.  She must feel that something is missing in your family.  I would start by asking her what specifically is bothering her. I strongly suspect that she will elaborate. 

While connecting with your siblings is your choice, you may want to reconsider your stance on this subject. There is so much to be gained from periodic conversations with your brothers and sisters. 

First, you can talk to them one-on-one when there is not a group of people surrounding you and ensuring that the conversation is superficial at best.  When you connect, you will have a chance to relive some of your favorite childhood stories about mom and dad.  You can share favorite recipes that mom made. Siblings tend to have similar interests which gives you an opportunity to share tips and ideas with each other.  You can talk about your lives, your health, travel tips, and future plans.  The conversation will go in whatever direction it wants from mundane to serious depending on what is going on at the time. That rarely happens at family gatherings. 

There is usually so much that you have in common that keeping in contact will offer benefits to each of you just by talking to each other once in a while.  It is not essential to do that; it is just a good idea. It is likely that you will benefit more than you think and in unexpected ways.  You may also brighten a sibling’s day.  I suggest you give it a try.  Make that phone call twice a year.  Since you are 80 and they are likely close in age, you may have the time, as most 80-year-olds do.