Question 

My 85-year-old mother is refusing to get vaccinated for anything at this point. Her doctor recommends Pneumonia, COVID, RSV, and other vaccinations, and mom says she will, but does not. 

Her reasoning is that she does not like needles and the vaccines make her sick. She says her arm hurts for days and she has every symptom you can get after being vaccinated. She says it is not worth it, and she will just have to take her chances. 

Since I am writing to you it is obvious that I think she is crazy. She is not getting any younger and I understand that these diseases are harder on the elderly. She has been lucky so far and has not gotten one of the mentioned diseases. 

I was wondering if you agree and have any ideas on how I can convince my mother to protect herself. Is there any magic I can work on her to get this accomplished? 

Answer 

You do indeed have a bit of a dilemma with your mother. She has been fortunate thus far by not getting any serious communicable disease, and you are right that the elderly have weaker immune systems and have less reserve to fight off disease. What could be just a bad cold for a 40-year-old, could be respiratory distress and a hospitalization for someone your mother’s age. 

She is taking a risk with her life that I suspect she is not taking with her home or car. You see, auto and home insurance are a bit like immunizations. Painful to the pocketbook, yet too risky to skip, because the potential consequences are too great to bear. Vaccinations should be thought of the same way. 

Your mother is expressing real concerns. There is almost no one that likes being poked in the arm with a needle, even for only two seconds. A sore arm for a few days is normal and almost everyone experiences that. Some vaccines can have short term side effects that feel somewhat flu-like. Do not minimize that, there are people that feel poorly for a couple of days after being vaccinated. It is best not to schedule vaccination right before an important outing or family event. If she is one of those individuals that feels ill after vaccination, believe her and schedule accordingly. 

Your mother lived through the years when children died from Polio or were left with lifelong effects from the disease, for those that lived. When that vaccination became available, parents could not wait to get their children vaccinated, because they saw firsthand what Polio did to their kids in their town. 

Like Polio for children, the diseases you mentioned are very serious risks the older you are. To no fault, her immune system weakens with each year she gets older. It is merely a fact. She needs these vaccinations now like she needed the Polio vaccination when she was a child.  

Convincing her may or may not work but start by first acknowledging what concerns her. It does not sound like she is against vaccination. She simply does not want a couple of days of discomfort. Help her plan for that. It is likely very real. 

Collect a few stories about individuals that she may know that have been negatively impacted by one of these diseases. If she does not know anyone, you can ask around and pick up a few stories from friends. Let her know that Pneumonia is a frequent cause of death for the elderly.  

Hear her out and offer to go with her. Maybe get the vaccines together if you are not already vaccinated. These diseases are contagious and if she gets one, she will be in isolation to protect everyone else. Best to get vaccinated and suffer a couple of days, because the consequences could be life threatening.