Question 

My mother is 75 years old and has been a widow for five years now. She loves to bake, watch her shows, and visit with friends. Mom lives in an apartment and drives everywhere. I have never seen her take a walk, even around the block. If I mention taking a walk, she looks at me like I am a crazy person. 

I am a runner and it is hard for me to imagine such a sedentary life like my mother has. Her lack of movement simply puzzles me. Though mom is quite content with her life the way it is, I think that she is not living her best life. 

The question is do I say something or do I just let it go. I do not want to be pushy, though I can project that in five years down the road she will be using a walker because she has not kept up her strength.  

What I want to know is if I am right and if I should say or do anything about it?  I do not want to cause conflict, but I want to keep my mom around and mobile.  

Answer 

You are observant and thoughtful, with your mother’s best interest at heart. That is the beginning of an opportunity in this situation. 

The activities you described your mother engaging in are minimal at best for a healthy 75-year-old female. It sounds like the limit of what she is doing is to move about her apartment, walk to her car, and walk from her car to a store and back again. It is working for her for now but may not serve her well in the long run. 

It is fairly well documented that movement is the single most important factor for good health and longevity. Muscles that are not used weaken. It is as simple as that.  

Yes, your mother can get around now, so she may believe that things will stay that way as long as she lives. Unfortunately, that belief is not likely to play out. The brain and heart need oxygen rich blood to function at maximum capacity, and muscles need to be used to provide that oxygen and stay strong. 

Over time she will need to grab onto things to get up, rolling over in bed will be harder, she will be winded climbing stairs, her balance will not be good, and she will fall at times. Some of this natural decline can be delayed by movement or exercise as we like to call it. In her case, the challenge will be convincing her that it is a good idea. 

While individuals who have not exercised since they were in gym class are not likely to start after retirement, there is always hope. Think about what motivates you to change your behavior. It might be something you read, the opinion of a friend, a comment from your doctor, or possibly a change that you notice in how you look or something you can no longer do. For your mother to make a change in her daily routine, a stimulus will need to occur.  

I would avoid simply telling your mother that she should exercise. That type of instructive comment rarely works and may stimulate resentment instead of the desired outcome.  

The easiest way to increase active movement is through enjoyable activity. Pick a simple sport or task that you can do together each week. It could be a short hike in a local park to a favorite picnic spot, taking your dog to the beach and throwing a stick into the water over and over, or playing ping pong, cornhole, going bowling, or some other game that requires movement that is fun and simple. 

If you are successful with simple activities for a while, you might engage your mother with a friend or family activity that involves greater movement. Her signing up for pickleball, tennis, shuffleboard, or any other activity that gets her out there would be great, even if you have to be the one that initiates it and goes along. Trust me, she will notice her new physical abilities if she gets engaged. 

For an attempt at providing information, you may want to mention when an opening occurs that some exercises help prevent urinary incontinence, falls, joint pain, or any other malady of the elderly that might concern her. Since you are not a child anymore, you can mention what your doctor may have told you about preventing these issues. Only bring up one thing per conversation and only if you can do it with sincerity.  

It is not easy to motivate another individual to exercise. You are correct that your mother should be more active, though changing her mindset will not be easy. You will know her receptivity when you try. Do not be discouraged if she rejects your efforts as your chances of turning your mother into an exercise enthusiast is not high. What you may be able to do is engage with your mother and spend quality time and movement together.