Question 

My mother will be 90 soon and she is starting to slow down. Stairs are getting harder for her because her knees hurt, housekeeping has become sloppy due to poorer vision, and she is just not as sharp as before.  

We know that a better solution is going to be needed, and my husband and I are wondering about adding an addition to the house just for her. 

Our big question is finances. Do we simply pay for it and have mom move in? Or does mom pay for all or part of the renovation? Another option would be for us to charge rent.  

We are open to suggestions and ideas. Wondering what solution is best for all?  

Answer 

Making the decision to add on to your home is an expensive one and should be sorted out before the plans are drawn for the sake of both parties. 

If you wish to add to your home and simply cover the cost, there is no need for negotiation. In that case, put on an addition that suits you for the long haul and can serve your mother in the present. 

You will need to discuss food, personal expenses, and care, though. 

Personal care should be talked about as she will become less able and need help. Are you willing to bathe, transfer, and keep your mother at home if she becomes bed bound? Situations change and you cannot predict every situation, but it is good to talk about it. Do you expect payment to care for her? If yes, that needs to be sorted out, and any siblings need to be part of that discussion. It is a must to avoid conflict. 

Now about construction. If you would like your mother to cover all or some of the cost, a formal agreement should be drawn. The home will likely remain your property, and the addition will increase your value. This affects your mother’s estate, as what she puts into construction on your home is now your asset. If you are an only child and the only heir, it does not matter, though things are rarely that simple.  

Whatever situation you choose should involve your siblings, if you have them. It is not easy to agree on everything, though a good faith effort needs to occur. Hard feelings can last a lifetime and are rarely worth the pain. Moving your mother, putting on an addition that could include her resources, and making care decisions should be a conversation with those it will impact. It will be ongoing, though an addition makes it a priority now before any decisions are made.