Question 

My mother died recently and left her estate to her three children equally. That would be well and good, except that I am the one that took care of her.  

My siblings live in other states and really did very little for our parents. It all fell to me, all of the time. Oh, they would swoop in a couple of times a year and offer lots of opinions, but they never did much to help my parents out.  

Now my parents are gone, and the will leaves everything, I mean everything, to us in equal shares. It is just not fair. I should be compensated for all of the work I did. At least, I should get the house. My siblings do not see it my way and feel that it is fair to split things evenly. 

I want to know if I should contact an attorney and fight the will. I fear that it will sever any relationship I had with my siblings, but it is only fair. 

Answer 

My condolences on the loss of your mother. It frequently leaves a considerable void when you have dedicated years to caring for parents. It is not something one quickly adapts to. 

It is clear that you feel your mother slighted you in her will. It is possible and maybe even likely that the will was drafted years before your mother passed and long before you became her caregiver. Often when a will is created, it is years prior to anyone being in need of care. People simply do not know how their lives will play out. We have a hard time seeing ourselves in need of assistance, even though most people will need the help of someone else in the final years of their lives.  

Now the years have come and gone, and your siblings are being treated the same as you are. It is understandable that you feel slighted. It is unfortunate that your mother did not make any adjustments to her will or reward you in any way. Ideally, you would have felt some satisfaction by taking care of your mother and while that is not financial, it is often rewarding. Your siblings will never have the memories that you made with your mother. Is it fair? Maybe not. 

All you can do at this point is contact an estate attorney. It is not likely that you will prevail in receiving more of your mother’s estate than your siblings. An attorney can give you the actual odds of success if you were to contest the will. 

Do know that demands for after the fact compensation will likely create conflict in your family and fail. Think about the consequences of what you are considering before taking action. While it is too late in your situation, I usually recommend that compensation for caregiving be discussed up front with parents and siblings. It is a conversation that no one wants to have, your parents, you, or your siblings, though essential to avoid a situation like you are in right now. 

The thing is, spending years as a primary caregiver is hard work. The doctor’s appointments, lifting, cleaning, shopping, and maintaining someone else’s home is completely exhausting. Parents are almost always appreciative for the help, though feel powerless to compel each adult child to assume an equal load of work. It is also not easy to find siblings that agree on every aspect of caring for the elderly.  

For anyone who has not yet walked into this caregiver role, pay attention to this situation. Ideally, each person assumes some of the responsibility from the start, with no takebacks. The best situations are those with open communication between siblings and parents. Everyone knows the plan and everyone has roles. It can be done.