Question

"Every year my mother gets a bit melancholy on Valentine’s Day. My father died ten years ago, and she still misses him. It makes me feel guilty enjoying what my spouse and I do on Valentine’s Day. Is there any solution for my mother on this holiday?" - READER

Answer

I think that it is normal to miss a departed spouse on a holiday like Valentine’s Day. Just because your father passed over ten years ago does not mean your mother is done missing him. She likely does not express it on a daily basis, but on special days, her longing may be more visible. Valentine’s Day may have been a very special day for them.

As children we do not really know the depth of our parents' relationship, nor can we envision their youth. We tend to only view the world through the lenses of our own space and time. As much as we want to understand, it will be impossible for you to completely place yourself in her shoes.

You may think that Valentine’s Day is just some made up holiday. One could make a case that all holidays fall into that category. Nevertheless, holidays are accepted by all as occasions to mark events. They give us an opportunity to come together and celebrate. Imagine life without any holidays or any reason to celebrate.

There is a certain amount of hurt we all experience when left out of a holiday celebration. Valentine’s Day is tied to acceptance and love, so the hurt affects the heart just a bit more directly, especially when a loved one is no longer with us.

Here are a few ways your family can celebrate the holiday with your mother without making the day about romantic love.

• Leave a rose on Mom’s porch.

• Drop off a heart-shaped cookie.

• Stop by for tea.

• Mail her a card.

• Take her to lunch on the 14th.

• Call Mom.

• Post a lovely note on Facebook about your mother’s love and your love for her.

• Get creative! Do something out of the ordinary.

The bottom line is, make your mother feel special on this day. Allow a bit of time for reminiscence, and let her know you love her.

I wish you success and a Happy Valentine’s Day.